Today I feel like the pendulum has slowed and I’m back in the middle of the spectrum. I’m really, really happy with my life and my family but I’m not so elated I feel like I’m on drugs. Which is good, cuz when I’m that happy it gets ruined by my concerns of the mood crash. This is just regular happy. It’s a good place. I also got a KitchenAid Mixer today for my birthday (which isn’t until December, but Dave found a refurbished one for super cheap!) So I got a mega kitchen boner and all I want to do is bake. Bake alllll of the things!
Fast forward two days to when I had the chance to pick this up. I did bake. Oh did I bake… I made some incredible cupcakes. Vanilla with a light lemon buttercream. God damn, I’m good. Maybe I’ll do a baking blog some day. Baking and cooking makes me happy. Not like… Matty Matheson happy. But pretty happy. I love feeding people, and I love eating. One of the reasons I was excited to be a parent is to cook and bake with my kids.
Sleep training is still going well overall. Today kind of sucked but it was still far better than before. Birdy seemed to want minimal naps today and was dragging her brother along for the ride, so there was a lot of cranky crying today. Yesterday I don’t think they woke up on their own once. I like it more that way. Well rested babies, with a well rested mom who feels accomplished for getting one or two chores done.
My mood is still fairly level, in spite of a dip today. I wonder if it’s the therapy session I had in the morning opening the gates on some shitty memories or if it’s just the way she goes.
Fast forward again. Day 11 already. Still a pretty level day except I can’t seem to make time for blogging or showers. That’s more a side effect of my laziness though… Maybe I’m catching up on sleep and laze, maybe I’m just feeling bleh. Either way my mood is fine, so I consider that a win. I continue this post while I sit and wait for the babies to settle. There’s been no check-in yet. Usually they only need one check, and once we put their soother in its over pretty quick. Sometimes they find it on their own, but more often they cry until we come in. I’m not sure if this is a healthy habit.
I reverse jinxed it. They’re quiet now.
Oh wait, I regular jinxed it. Moose is still mad
Nope reverse jinxed it again. Quiet.
Oh shit. Regular jinx again. He had his soother, damnit! Birdy’s is across the crib but I watched Moose put his in his mouth. Now he’s doing that sobbing cry like he just lost a limb or a loved one. Ugh. I wonder if I’ll ever get used to that.
I have to say though, I do much better with it than I expected I would. Now I only break over them crying if I’m uncertain about what I’m doing. Like if I goof up their nap schedule and they’re hungry at an odd time, and I don’t know if I should feed them right away when I’m gonna start their bed time routine in an hour. Or if they’re waking up from naps riiiight before the minimum 70 minutes so I have to chill them out before I let them get up. Or not, if they’re just pissed off and hungry.
Ok it’s taken me days to write this. I am one busy mama!
I went for a walk today. I think one of the reasons I hit some lows is because I haven’t gone for any walks. I learned a few months ago that I need to walk or I go crazy, but I guess I had to learn it again. I felt great all night, and I only walked for like a half an hour. I got home, hung with the kids, put them to bed, prepped dinner, iced the cake I made earlier, put all of the laundry away and posted a bunch of stuff for sale on FB. Productive as fuck, yo. I’ve been really nervous to leave for more than 20 or 30 mins cuz last time I did, I screwed up their bed time. I think I’m getting the hang of their sleep schedule enough that I can go walking again. At the very least, just up and down my street. There’s a big ol’ hill there, it’ll help get rid of these cakes and cookies I’ve been making with my mixer. (I need to start bringing these things to other people….)
So the level-out continues. I learn, I screw up, I learn again, I eat, I eat, I eat… Our consultant has given us all of the tools we need. Now we just need to stick to the schedule as best as we can, and find ways to stay sane inbetween. I am already forgetting how much easier it is these days. How convenient! But it is better. Everything is better. I appreciate my kids more, and I have time to get shit done.
I am not sure how to end this one so….. Bye?